When the Switch Gets Flipped

...in three ways:

1) Looks like SC and I might be dating. It's so scary but thrilling, I can't even describe what's going on in my head. He is certainly following through on his claims to be more serious this time -- we've been in communication every day since the trip. It's SO crazy. For example, earlier in the week we spoke on the phone and he invited me to a few friends' weddings and was talking about which weekends he could fly out here. Again, crazy. And this is in addition to many serious conversations we've had regarding me applying to doctoral programs, his chances of getting a job here. So amazing because we're on the same page with a lot of things and can both see our lives fitting together so well and $@%@#$% scary because I do not want to get my heart broken...again. I'm practically speechless.

2) I ended things with EP. It wasn't pretty (it ended up happening over the phone) and I think (and rightfully so) he was just so confused and kind of hurt. I was doing the math in my head -- and I think that's maybe the 2nd time I've been on this end of the break up. I was a bumbling fool. Such bad timing for both of us. I think he felt the way I felt at the end of January -- super excited that things were going well and then feeling horribly disappointed when things were not what they seemed. And no -- I didn't tell him about SC. In fact, SC doesn't even know about EP.

3) The Ex really is dating that young woman I saw with him at church. I can come to grips with that -- our lives are so separate now. But even so -- not as separate as I'd like. A mutual friend of ours has started inviting the new girlfriend to races with us. The mutual friend is all about keeping thing diplomatic and therefore invites everyone to everything and leaves those recently heartbroken to figure it out themselves. But I'm having a lot of anxiety around this racing invite scenario. (I embracing this irrational perspective!) Road races and triathlons have been a source of great strength for me -- especially since the break up. I have been able to reclaim them as something that makes me me (as opposed to something the Ex and I used to do together) and I'm sorry, I am just not yet ready to do something I love alongside my ex and his new girlfriend. Too distracting and too dramatic.