When Old Meets New

Well, I can go ahead and scratch "Have Awkward Moment When Ex Sees Me With New Guy" off my Things to Do List. Said event happened to today at church.

I invited EP to church with me and he accepted. Background info is that my ex and I attend the same church and that's how we met. Situations like this can cause a flurry of stupid things to worry about for a woman. Items include, but are certainly not limited to:
"Do I warn him (new beau) just in case and to be nice?"
"Do I warn him (old beau) just in case and to be nice?"
"Does it even $#@$#@ matter?"

It was not nearly as awkward as one would imagine and I'm kind of proud of myself for not turning into live nerve-ending. I decided to just roll with it. Didn't warn the ex and instead, made a superfluous 2 sec phone call to the new beau this morning babbling something like, "Can't remember if I told you, but my old boyfriend goes to the same church. He could be there this morning. Isn't an issue for me, may not be an issue for you either, just wanted to give you a heads up in case." And EP was totally cool about it. He never ended up having to see/talk to the ex because he (EP) had to leave right away to study. Instead, I was able to catch up with some other good church friends and the ex came up to me for about 30 seconds to say hello. (He didn't look so good; either tired/hungover or depressed) Very anticlimatic. Just the way those moments should be.

Maybe I'M Getting Phased Out

Or maybe I need to stop drinking on weeknights while PMSing.

For the last 2 weeks I feel like my dating experience with EP has taken on a strange dynamic. Here's why:
1) In between moments of smooching, I decided to tell him that in Summer 2005 I was treated for a VERY common STD (not to divulge all the medical details of my life...but it's the one that more than 50% of women get treated for once by the time they're 35 years old and can increase one's chances of getting cervical cancer). Basically, he's freaked out now and assures me that "Even though it's an issue now, it may not be one forever...I'd just like to talk to my doctor first." In other words, no action until his doctor ameliorates his anxiety related to my diagnosis almost 2 years ago. Certainly a valid concern but upon closer examination of the statistics and both of our histories, he's probably already carrying it -- but of course, there's no test for this condition in men. Go figure.
2) He's still checking his online dating account. (Which after further discussion, I have been advised to stop checking to see if he's checking, because it's just toxic to my mental state)

On the other hand though -- he's done some great things that certainly set him apart from others.
1) Bought a box of green tea bags just for me to keep at his house. And he actually got up before me on Sunday morning to make me a cup of tea so it'd be ready for me when I got up to go to church.
2) Also had a bag of Hint of Lime Tostitos and Milano cookies ready for me to enjoy while we watched the NFL playoff games over the weekend.
3) Got me my own toothbrush for his house and checks to make sure the bathroom is clean enough for me before I go in to use it.
4) I just smile when I think about him and he gives great hugs.

And the tornadoes continue...
Seattle crush emailed me. He's considering coming out here for my birthday extravaganza in a few months. I highly doubt this will come to fruition so I'm not worried. But it was still enough to kind of throw me off in my head.

Enough already.

Tug (of War) at the Heartstrings

Yesterday I had a really bad day at work and asked EP if he could come out to play (he was recovering for some minor dental surgery). He agreed and we played trivia at a local bar. It was great. EP never ceases to amaze me. He knew I had had a stressful day and did something most guys never do when a woman pours her woes out -- he JUST listened. He didn't play Mr. Fix-it...he just listened. After trivia, then he pulled out the Mr. Fix-it tactics and I was more than willing to oblige -- he gave me this killer back and calf massage. What kind of woman would turn that down? I ended up having one of the best night's sleep ever because I was so much more relaxed.

Meanwhile, in my head -- rescue workers were busy salvaging my emotional belongings after another big boy tornado. The source: my Seattle crush. Yesterday I received another part of my Christmas present from him -- a pair of cute Rams pajama pants...and a Rams "Ladies Hand Off" thong. Yes, a thong. Jaw drop. (and yes, the NFL for Her thongs are even trashier in person than they are on the web site) OK -- bottom line -- I think it's hilarious he sent these to me. These purchases were all based jokingly on a previous conversation he and I had after reading this article on the ridiculousness of women's NFL gear. But I have to admit, it's hard not to start wondering why he had me on his brain enough to purchase several items for me in honor of Christmas. I didn't give him anything for Christmas. Except maybe some cheap thrills for his imagination.

When the Tables Are Turned

In the embryonic stages of dating (1-4 excursions together), as women we're used to the sure-fire signs that tell us when the guy just isn't interested. I call this stage the "Phase Out"...longer elapsed time between phone calls, longer elapsed time between emails or text messages, or more "I can't make it, I already made plans." Well, during this online dating adventure, I thought I'd give the masculine Phase Out a whirl. And I haven't gotten the results I was expecting and am finding myself trying to think about how guys react in order to make my next choice.

Rewind to last October when I went out on a few dates with Patriots sweatshirt guy. (that's not even a fair nickname -- let me switch it to 38-year-old guy). He and I went out on a few enjoyable but no sparks dates in Oct. and Nov. Then I made that trip to Seattle and got all screwed up in the head and decided to enact Mission Phase Out...not returning calls, not returning txt messages, and coming up with random excuses when I did talk to him.

Fast forward to now. I think he's sent me about 3 text messages over the last few weeks like..."Hey, what's up?" and "Go Rams!"...and I've just been blowing him off. And finally today I got a total doozy..."What's going on? Do you not like me anymore?"

Seriously, HTF am I supposed to respond to that? (Now deep down ladies, we ALL know we've done something similar to this...except we're the senders, not the recipients!) If I respond, then I will have to get into all the explanations and stuff (and I don't even know what I'd say). And if I don't respond, he could just keep bugging me with the occasional text message. Perhaps I should pull a GWB and "stay the course" by just not responding.

I hate when the tables are turned.

Tornado Alley

My friends and I use a term called "boy tornado" to describe when a guy -- who you used to like (maybe even loved) but has disappeared from your life -- blows back into your life without warning...and touches down just long enough to cause a couple days damage to your ability to concentrate on anything meaningful. Just like a good summertime Kansas tornado...except your feelings and old memories are torn to pieces, not trailer parks. Boy tornadoes can look like an email he sends you after 10 months of silence, a drunken voicemail message he leaves you from a friend's party about 2 months after dumping you, or even bumping into him on the street and him finishing the conversation with, "We should grab a drink to catch up sometime"...all events sending you into an irrational tailspin of emotions and dumb inner monologues like, "What does he mean? I bet he misses me. No he doesn't. Oh man he's a bastard. I bet he hooked up with HER. But he IS really cute..."

Well apparently the batteries in my emotional tornado sirens have gone dead because I just got hit with not one, but THREE boy tornadoes in the last week. The weather report is as follows:

Tornado #1: I fetch the mail to find a package addressed to me. It's a book about religion from...my crush in Seattle. Fantastic -- especially after the Christmas email and the fact that I thought he was kidding about getting me a gift.

Tornado #2: I'm out with EP and his friends for the first time...trivia at a local tavern. I check the time on my phone to find a "sorry this is 2 days late" Happy New Year's text message from the Seattle crush. Grrrrr.

Tornado #3: I'm playing on email at work because I'm feeling daydreamy* and receive a message from the ex-boyfriend asking me if I'm attending church this weekend because he has a small Christmas gift for me. DOH.

*Things with EP have picked up quite a bit. He is SO great -- smart, handsome, physically active, and has this insanely funny sense of humor in which he has absolutely no shame in doing or saying the goofiest things. And he's a great smoocher. Just thinking of him makes me smile.

That being said, I don't think my emotions need to be declared a state of emergency.