Brings 10 lbs of Ribs

That's what a girl does when it's her surrogate boyfriend's birthday party.

I just got back from my weekend with SC for his birthday. We had a great time at the football game although the weather was a little crummy. As expressed in my previous posting, the irrational side of my brain has recently become fixated on GAGC. I'm pretty sure this issue is soon to fall off my radar, but I'm allowing myself a few days to perseverate about it and then start laughing it off.

As a follow up to my posting, I wanted to let you know how the birthday party went. There was a solid turn out of SC's work friends and they are all very nice. They all brought a ton of food so there was no shortage of anything. The comical-to-me-but-probably-to-nobody-else moment of course, involved GAGC. Before party time, she was sure to communicate with SC via text/phone/email stressing out about what else she should bring, etc. He gets off the phone and says, "She's bringing 10 pounds of ribs. She says her mom made them." OK, had I been a nice girlfriend, I should've just smiled and said, "Oh that's nice. What a thoughtful act of kindness to perform on your birthday." But instead I said, "Well, that's what a girl does when she has a crush on a boy." I don't think he liked that too much. So I had a moment of weakness, big deal.

She and I spoke for a bit at the party, (after she insisted on standing outside with him to grill all the meat she had brought) and she actually seems like a nice girl. A bit intense, but nice.

By now I'm sure all of you think I have trust issues. And I probably do. But today I had an epiphany about why guys consistently go wrong in thinking that they can have a normal friendship with a girl with whom they've hooked up with and think that she "knows I don't like her like that." I blame it on some of the fundamental differences between the way men and women handle conflict.

Guys method (I learned this by observing interactions between 110 teenage boys while chaperoning them on a baseball trip a few summers ago):
One guy (Guy A) will be a total jerk while in a group of other guys. Everyone will tolerate it but eventually, another guy (Guy B) will call Guy A out on the carpet. Guy B will usually say something like, "Dude, you're being an a**hole. Cut it out." And poof -- after 2 milliseconds of awkward silence, Guy A gets himself together, quits being an a-hole, and 10 minutes later, everyone's having a good time talking about how good their fantasy football team is doing. Conflict over.

Female method:
Too involved to document. Basically involves a lot of passive aggressive behavior and reading way too much into the minutia of pretty much everything.

So, when you apply these dynamics to situations like the SC and GACG situation -- he TOTALLY knows he's not into her at the relationship level, he had the "talk" with her about it, and as far as he's concerned -- case closed. BUT...that's not how we women think. We think (and come on now, be honest with yourselves, we've all felt like this at least once), "Yeah...he started seeing this other girl now...but he keeps calling me to hang out. So he must still like me at least a little bit..." and then every action is read through that filter -- and we still allow our hearts to skip a beat when he texts, emails, or even calls. "There could still be a chance!" that little voice says in the back of your dating heart. And it always takes a few extra unanswered calls, texts, or emails for us to really understand what's going on.

On that note, my larger concern is not that I think SC is going to cheat on me or something like that -- in fact, I have the most confidence I've ever had with someone I've dated that nothing will happen. My concern is actually the maelstrom that could be brewing when he continues to hang out with GACG in my absence thinking everything's just fine, and then she freakshows on him when he starts cutting back on their time together and starts giving up his role as her surrogate boyfriend. I suppose if she does freakshow, it's not my problem. But it would sure warrant an "I told you so" moment. And sometimes that's better than 10 pounds of ribs.

Talk Me Down From the Psycho-Girlfriend Ledge, Please

WARNING: What you are about to read was composed by a nearly-30-and-not-married woman who is days away from getting her period, at home on a Sunday night doing work even though she has tomorrow off for Veteran's Day, has a boyfriend that lives 3 time zones away, and could really use a massage and a stiff drink right now. And yes, she knows she's being irrational.

I haven't posted to this thing in months. A good thing I suppose, right? Things with SC are going AWESOME. And I feel terrible to my handful of readers that I've been slacking on my updates. I've had several nights of "Oh I should really post this..." but then have fallen asleep in front of my laptop instead. Tonight, of course, is an exception. Naturally I've painted myself into the self-inflicted dating tornado corner and am using this space to clear my head.

For those of you who know the extent of my dating shananigans, you will find my my tirade hysterical -- mostly because it's par for the course for me, especially in light of my dating curses.

Imagine this scenario that is consuming 70% of my brain power right now (the remaining 30% is split between my joy of the Rams finally winning a game this season and writing a 40 page document for work):

Scene 1
SC's birthday is this upcoming weekend. I'm flying out for it. He has been emphasizing for weeks that he didn't want to have an event with lots of people so I shouldn't plan anything. To honor his request, I buy us tickets to the local college football game.

Scene 2
He tells me he's got co-workers who are also attending the game. We decide we'll tailgate together (birthday cake and beer) before the game or just have them over after the game.

Scene 3
He IMs me to ask if it's ok to combine the post-game get together with a close co-worker/friend's celebration due to her recent school committee win. I say it's cool with me.

Scene 4
He forwards me an evite for the event. But he isn't listed as the host...instead, the female co-worker with whom he had a fling with before he and I started dating is listed as the host. (Let's call her Get A Clue Girl -- GACG) I raise an eyebrow. Further perusal of the evite reveals that 25 people have been invited, it's still at his house, it's listed as a potluck, but SC has replied saying he's going to take care of the food so people shouldn't worry about bringing anything. I raise my other eyebrow. This carefree birthday weekend is now turning into quite an event. And apparently it's being hosted by his surrogate girlfriend.

Scene 5
SC gets season tickets for the NBA. He's heading to a game right now. And guess who's going with him? GACG.

So I guess I should insert Scene 4.5 too...that would be a few nights ago when I finally blurted out to him that I was a little weirded out that GACG was now hosting his birthday party and that he was taking her to a game before he and I got to go together. Now, the rational side of me needs to publicly acknowledge SC's incredible ability to handle the discussion maturely and not discount my feelings (MUCH different than similar conversations when with the Ex). He did a good job, in fact -- a damn good job...until about 15 minutes ago.

I'm feeling like a wounded puppy right now because he knew I was jealous (YES, I am actually using the word...big step for me) about this game thing tonight. Based on all the empathy he told me he had for me the other night, you'd think he'd give me a ring today to have a general 10 minute conversation -- especially since he missed my call earlier in the day. Instead, I just got a text message apologizing for not answering since he was working and that he was on his way to the game...followed a few minutes later with another text saying he liked me.

And all I can think is, "If he can spare the 3 hours and beer he's spending on GACG tonight but can't take a few minutes to call me, it's going to take a lot more than 2 text messages to make me feel special."

So high maintenance...I know.