The Eleventh Hour

I officially canceled my online dating membership. Really, I did it right this time -- I got my confirmation number for the cancellation and everything. (Trust me, I triple checked!) So 6 months, 5,923 profile views, and $100 in membership fees later -- was it worth it? I think so. And I'd venture to say that I'd actually recommend it to friends. Here are a few reasons why:

Just do it.
Getting back into dating after a long-term relationship is like standing on the edge of an unheated pool after you've just spent 20 minutes in the hot tub. You know you can jump in, but the anticipated shock of the temperature change makes you temporarily forget that you know how to swim. Nevermind if the guys you meet online are duds, at least going out to meet someone for dinner or drinks can rebuild your comfort level with meeting new people and actually getting to talk about what makes you, you.

Everyone's "man criteria" list needs refinement.
A few years ago my old roommate and I started our own "man criteria" lists to help keep ourselves more accountable to what we were really looking for in a companion (and to curb the dating out of boredom situations). It was really helpful; we created our lists and then marked things as non-negotiable and negotiable. With online dating, I've been able to mentally re-prioritize what qualities I think are important, add things I hadn't previously considered, and take away things that were just kind of stupid. I was even able to think about what I needed personally out of a relationship and that helped clarify things too. Every single woman should try doing this.

You're not the only one.
It's been 7 months since my ex and I parted ways, I would be totally lying if I said I've never missed him. Sure, this whole online dating thing has done a great job of keeping me entertained, but there have been some tough moments when I just felt lonely. That's it - just all out lonely. And when I was reading through all those guys' profiles online, I realized that all those guys are lonely too -- and we're all looking for the same things, someone who we can be good to, someone who is good to us, someone who makes us smile when no one else is around, someone who still thinks we're hot when we wake up with a zit the size of Mt. Everest, and someone whose hugs make all bad things disappear and all good things memorable.

Enjoy the Mystery

That's what Paige Parker says about the early phases of dating someone. Just enjoy the mystery of it all and don't get caught up in the "what does this mean?" and "what's going on?" mental mess.

EP and I went out again last night and I had a fantastic time. We went to dinner and then were too late to see a movie so stayed out for more drinks instead. I know I've said this before, but he really is just a good-hearted guy with a strong moral compass and I find those qualities so attractive. We have challenging conversations (religion, career stuff, family stuff, travel) and I look at him and think, "This one can definitely keep up with me." And to top it off -- he's a magical smoocher.

But on a more serious note, in addition to all his amazing personality qualities -- he's actually REALLY nice to me. Which sounds totally ridiculous because one would hope that being nice would be a given. And not just chivalrous nice, but truly good to me (at least from what I can tell thus far). I can't describe it except that when I'm spending time with him, I really feel like he's watching out for me. I mean, I make so many decisions everyday at work and with my family that every once in awhile, I feel overwhelmed because I'm expending so much energy taking care of everyone around me that I have no idea who's taking care of me. But when I'm hanging out with EP, I know he's paying attention. And that's a pretty wonderful feeling. Wonderful...and mysterious.

A Second Chance

I heard back from EP and we met up for dinner last night. I had a really nice time catching up with him -- and it didn't take much time for me to remember why I thought he was so great when we were dating. First of all, he remembered EVERYTHING about me. Most guys can't even remember what they ate for lunch and here I show up a few minutes late to find that he had already ordered me a glass of my favorite wine. Nice!

But really, some of his best qualities came at the end of the evening (get your mind out of the gutter!) when he walked me home and proceeded to apologize for the awkwardness of our last meeting. He said he missed spending time with me because he thinks I'm really special and that he still had a romantic interest in me. (gasp!)

OK, so he's master of honesty and straight-forwardness (is that even a word?). That alone makes my heart kind of melt, because seriously -- I feel like those are qualities that can be kind of hard to find. Even more so, he followed up with a really nice post-dinner email basically recounting everything he told me plus the added bonus apology for making me feel terrible when we parted ways last month. (I told him last night that when we were in the car that day that he made me feel like I was "damaged goods"...he apologized profusely for that)

Anyway, I don't know what to do. He really is a genuinely good guy and I have a great time with him. I guess I'm just scared about giving him a second chance. A friend once told me after she got her heart broken for the second time by the same guy, "Broken heart once, shame on him. Broken heart twice, shame on me." But sometimes it's so hard to determine whether or not the second chance is a good idea.

Maybe I should just go ahead and give him a chance. But will someone please get some scotch tape just in case my heart needs to be put back together?

Darwin Award for Worst Pick Up Line EVER

Last night I had the privilege of getting accosted by one of those Friday night been-out-drinking-since-I-left-work-at-5:01 messy guys at a neighborhood bar. After I turned down his gracious offer to do tequila shots with him and his co-workers, he later approached me and said, "You and your friend are so cute. So cute that I'm so glad I haven't vomited all over you...yet."

Coming Out of the Closet...

...the AGE closet, that is. Let's face it. I am getting old.

In the last few months I have found myself in serious "Holy Crap, I really AM getting old" moments. The moments look like this: me enjoying drinks in bars with friends, engaging in a nice conversation with a guy, and then several drinks and hours later -- witnessing the transformation on his face, as he realizes (and I realize) simultaneously that this indeed is not a conversation between two people that could lead to a date...instead it's a moot conversation between a baby and a babysitter. I'll give you one guess who the babysitter is.

The warning signs of said transformation usually involve him saying something like, "So what are you, like 23 years old?" or even worse, "My GPA is 3.94 and I'm finishing my program in '08." To which I respond with a carefree laugh while tossing my head back then taking a deep swig of my drink -- when inside I'm really screaming, "NOOOOO -- I'm 379 days away from turning 30!" or "You didn't even have your driver's license when I graduated from COLLEGE!"

Whatever happened to those fun moments when you'd get hit on by an older guy, and even if you weren't interested, telling him your age was a subtle way of making him feel like a million dollars? Now when I tell guys my age I feel like it's that momentary sense of guilt you feel when you're raising an old magazine above your head about to fatally swat the fly cruising your kitchen counter -- an unavoidable strike at the innocent.

My friend says that maybe I should reconsider the bars/restaurants I've been going to. I'm not sure what my alternatives are at this moment - nursing homes?

Magical Powers

Oh yeah, I completely forgot to mention an interesting message I received through my online dating account. I'll let these quotes speak for themselves:

"I would love to get to know u because we have a lot in commun and ur smile has made me a prisonner."

"I'm going to honest i only compared our likes and dislikes i still have to read ur whole profile but your eyes and smiles said send her an email.I wish i had more to say but i really have to back to reading more about u and i have to make food soon."

No Really, I Need a Chaperone

...because I'm this [ ] close to needing a text messaging intervention. I've gotten in this horribly immature habit of sending a flurry of drunk text messages to Seattle crush when I'm out on the weekends. The thing is, he responds! AND...half the time HE's drunk too which makes the chat log very entertaining to read the next morning. (And I love how I'm trying to rationalize this habit by blaming him too -- I'm like one of my students getting in trouble and saying, "He did it first!") This drunk texting habit probably explains how I exceeded my text message limit of 300 messages on my last cell phone bill. So basically it'd be the chaperone's job to take my cell phone from me.

Also, as I mentioned in a previous post, the chaperone would also be responsible for making sure I eat a decent snack, remove my contacts, put on my jammies, and consume a ton of water prior to me passing out in my bed. The importance of these responsibilities cannot be understated. Por ejemplo (that's "for example" in Spanish), this morning at approximately 6:14 am, I opened my eyes to find me on top of my bedcovers, my light still on, an untouched glass of milk nearby, my cell phone near my hand, a half empty bag of organic honey graham bears on my desk, and a massive stomach ache. (note: much better than the time I went home drunk to my sister's apartment a few years ago and woke up half naked on her couch, using the dog's blanket, and my eyes swollen shut because I'm allergic to dogs --- yes, comical.) I must've passed out in the middle of sending someone a text message, for sure.

On a more serious note, is it problematic that Seattle Crush and I communicate exclusively by text message and email and never talk on the phone? I suppose I have other friends with whom I communicate just via email and being that nothing is officially going on between me and Seattle Crush, it's ok. At least that's what I'm telling myself.