Ebbs and Flows

The last week has been a flurry of random moments...

- I heard back from EP. He wants to meet up this week. I wrote back and then haven't heard from him.

- Remember the grad school guy I met a few weeks ago who I did the Google Background Check on? (Oh, he needs a name...let's call him Westpoint Guy -- that's where he did his undergrad) WG and I went on a few non-descript dates (probably why he's gotten little airtime on the blog) and then I left for vacation. He sent me a few text messages while I was away and then he dropped off the face of the earth for about a week. Which I wasn't too brokenhearted about...and then of course, I get a random text message from him today saying we should catch up again soon. Buh whuh?

- Guy #1 (see December posts) and I are also still in contact but I've decided that is going nowhere beyond friendship. We did hang out for awhile in Oct and Nov but not so much in the last two months except for an occasional Starbucks run when I'm at work. So random...the other night he sent me a series of text messages (you know the kind when the first message exceeds 160 characters so it goes into a second text message -- which in his case, went into a third) saying how glad he is that he met me and how great he thinks I am. It's so weird...I think he's really lonely. That or getting really creepy.

- Here's the best. I get a call from my mom tonight because last night she saw some documentary about same sex couples wanting to have kids via a surrogate parent. She goes on about a male couple who was looking for a woman to carry their child and my mom says, "And you know what? One of dee men looked JUST like [fill in name of my ex]! I thought I must call you because deees guy looked like he could be his twin!" Now wouldn't THAT just be a winning break-up story...boy and girl go separate ways after dating for a few years; boy and girl lose touch for a few months; girl's mom calls her to say she saw boy on some educational cable channel with his same-sex partner trying to have a baby. I can hardly wait to TiVo it.

Now Hiring: Weekend Chaperones

I think I need a chaperone to follow me around on the weekends to help manage my behavior between the hours of 9 pm and 3 am. That seems to be the window of time during which I struggle the most to make good decisions after consuming a few too many alcoholic beverages. The chaperone would be responsible for:
- magically disabling the text messaging function in my phone, perhaps even confiscating the phone after 12 am to prevent any drunk texting or drunk dialing
- making sure I have a healthy choice of foods to pick from as I raid my kitchen to create the best "eating THIS will prevent a hangover!" meal after bar close
- reminding me to remove my contacts and take my vitamins before passing out
- strategically placing a tall glass of water within arm's reach of my bed
- setting my alarm clock so I don't miss my Saturday morning aerobics class
- intervening when I'm getting hit on by guys more than 5 years younger than me

Preferred qualifications include being really handsome, thoughtful, and intelligent.
;)

A Dating Curse Revival

I guess I've been single long enough that my old dating curses are kicking back into gear. Before my long term relationship with my ex, I had two major curses in the dating arena:
a) Guys I date have a tendency to part ways with me in order to get back together with their old flames.
b) Guys I date have a tendency to drop off the face of the earth for a period of time and then I either bump into them in a random place (ie: when I'm out running and looking sweaty and awful) or they just creep out of the woodwork with an email. Either way, they often act as if nothing awkward has happened and things are just fantastic.

I'm not so worried about Curse A (although that could be a curse that rears its ugly head with Seattle Crush) but Curse B has already come to fruition.

This week while I was vacationing in Florida, I got an email from EP. His brief email expressed "disappointment" that we hadn't talked in the last few weeks but if I still wanted us to "be a part of each other's lives" that I should feel free to contact him. Hmmmmmm, interesting. So you can only imagine the temptation to scrutinize this 4 line email down to his word choice to create some type of interpretation of his feelings and motivation to contact me. (Why do we, as women, feel so compelled to waste our energy in such ways?) Instead, I read it a few times...took a day to think about it...and then just wrote a simple email back and tried tactfully to put the ball back in his court. I'm not sure what I'm thinking after hitting send on that one. But I have to confess, he was a really good smoocher and I could benefit from a little smoochage. It must be from hearing my downstairs neighbor going at it (even during the day on a Friday; and YES, at first I thought it was the pigeons again) all the time.

And now for more on Curse A. Seattle Crush is going with me to Israel. (gasp!) I'm really excited -- he'll be fun to travel with. But trust me, I'm not letting myself fall into the "What does this MEAN?" tailspin -- we'll leave that to my mom. Just like my visit in November, we're just friends. And as Curse A has proven in the past, knowing my luck he'll have gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend by the time I see him in April. So note to self: no expectations.

Oh yeah, check out this book my friend told me about. Sounds like a good companion to this blog.

Sign says, "STOP." Read it.

38-year-old-Patriots-sweatshirt guy strikes again!

Last night I got ANOTHER text message from him that said, "Waz up?"

He's starting to creep me out. Most guys would have given up by now. Again, I didn't respond.

When You Really Need One

I'm usually pretty independent when it comes to guyish things like taking care of my car, hanging pictures on a wall, moving boxes, etc. But every once in awhile, I am willing to swallow my pride and just admit that "Gee, it would be really nice to have boyfriend right now who could help me."

This morning is one of those moments. We just got hit with a snow-but-mostly-a-ton-of-ice storm last night and my car is literally frozen to the ground in about 6 inches of ice. I spent an hour digging out my popsicled vehicle in order to try to make a doctor's appointment (my annual -- exciting, I know) and yet my little Jetta is still stuck. And as I'm listening to my tires just spin in place, I'm overcome with the illusion of some handsome and amazing stud standing outside my car coaching me through how to appropriately use my gas pedal in a lower gear while he exercises his masculinity and pushes on my bumper to give the car a little more traction to set my Jetta free from this icy mess.

Then I glance at my clock and realize my appointment is in 10 minutes and I'm still in the exact same place -- no transportation, no boyfriend, and no PAP smear. And all I can think of is, "I took a personal day for this?"

Everyone's Google Secret

Tonight I spent some time at my neighbor's apartment -- he was having a cocktails and hookah (sp?) party in honor of Valentine's Day -- when we started discussing our generation's biggest dating secret: the Google Background Check (GBC). Doesn't matter if we've been dating someone for 5 months or 5 minutes, we can all admit to Googling people we date. We do the Google background check for many reasons:
- to verify personal facts shared in the bar ("Did his grandfather REALLY invent toothpaste?" - I seriously looked that up once for Hottie G -- see Dec. 3 entry)
- to get more specific info on things said on the first date ("What'd he do while he was at Harvard?")
- to make sure your friend wasn't lying when she described him to you ("Does he really volunteer his time tutoring small children?").

And if you're really adventurous, you'll even do the Google Image Search just in case your beer goggles were extra foggy the night you met. Oh wait, maybe that's just me. Regardless, the unspoken etiquette around the GBC includes 1) not telling the other person you did it 2) definitely not asking questions on the facts you learned unless he/she has already mentioned them 3) not admitting that you know what the first 5 hits are when you Google yourself.

I confess, I actually did a Google Background Check tonight on a guy I met last weekend. He's finishing up grad school at a local university. He seemed nice enough and he asked for my number as I left the bar. In perfect Swingers-esque fashion, he called me precisely 3 days after our first meeting. I actually missed the call so I replied today via text message (I was too self conscious to call on Valentine's Day -- neurotic, I know.) just saying if he was around tomorrow night. He quickly replied, "Yes, I'm around. I'm all yours." A bit over enthusiastic, perhaps. He followed up tonight with a phone call and we'll be meeting up for sushi and drinks tomorrow night. But back to the Google background C --- [pause in typing] OMG, I just stopped typing because I heard some noise coming from outside my window. At first I thought it was a family of pigeons who have built a nest nearby but after turning down the music on my laptop...it's not pigeons -- it's my neighbor downstairs having sex with some guy! I say "some guy" because this is the first time I've heard this --- cacophony. So perhaps this is a new special friend. Sounds like everyone hit the jackpot. LOL. [resume typing]

My GBC yielded all truths that had been shared in the bar. If anything, he was much more humble in person than his [pause in typing] Holy crap -- the neighbor and the guy are at it AGAIN! It's been like 5 minutes since...well, you know. This is making me feel so dirty in my own home. [resume typing] resume suggests online. He's a smart cookie!

So yeah, cheers to GBCs...and neighbors who are enjoying Valentine's Day to its fullest.

Not Again

Remember 38-year-old-Patriots-sweatshirt guy? He emailed me through my online personals account! Agh! Doesn't he know when to stop?! Seriously.

His email just said, "HI."

Israel or Bust

I think I just did something really stupid. It could be considered a self-inflicted boy tornado or an ingenius act of long distance flirtation. We'll see.

So I'm presenting at a literacy conference in Israel during my April vacation. It's a wonderful opportunity for my career and should be a great experience. The downside is, I only know one other person going on the trip -- and she will be traveling with her husband (they visit Israel several times a year) and will be on their own itinerary. As a result, I am trying to piece together some type of itinerary that coincides with some of the other presenters (who I don't know at all and who are all MUCH older than me) for safety and sanity reasons. Then I had an idea -- "I should see if any of my friends can go with me!" And before I knew it, I was overcome with "I should ask Seattle Crush if he wants to go!" After all, he loves to travel and can afford to just pick up and go. The following flurry of text messages ensued -- and pray that he never ever finds out that I am copying our text msg conversations onto my blog!

Me: What kind of vacation time you got left after all your friends' weddings?
SC: Not totally sure. Haven't done the math. Vacation is amorphous here. 5 day weekends easier than week+ trips. What you got in mind? You angling for dinner at the ritz? [this is in reference to this article I emailed him because I LOVE sweets]
Me:LOL! No, but that's an idea too. Going to Israel in April for a week to present at a a literacy conf. Afraid to travel alone.
SC: Israel is close to the top of my to do travel list. And you speaking at a conference to boot? Color me interested. If you got dates, pass along and I'll look into it.
Me: [insert dates in April here]. Conf isn't the whole time though. Those dates include time to see stuff.
SC: When would you need a commitment by? Trial in florida set to start that following week but delay or me not helping on case likely. Need to talk to some people.
Me: I need to buy my ticket now but I'm going regardless. So it's really up to you. They're paying for my hotel for a few nights too.
SC: Fancy. Well interested but can't by tickets now. I can know more next week. I guess just buy your dream israel trip dates now and I'll see if I can make all or some.

Plugging the Leak With My Finger

I have a confession. I almost started crying on the subway tonight on my ride home from work. Maybe it was the guilt from eating a pumpkin loaf slice from Starbucks. Maybe it was the built up stress from work. Maybe it was PMS making an early visit. Or maybe it was the fleeting revelation that sometimes dating just sucks.

This Just In...

My profile's been up for about an hour. Here's what's "biting" at this of night...
- guys who are 35+ years old
- European guys who are balding
- guys who can't spell or adhere to basic rules of punctuation
- guys who like to send out blanket generic messages like..."I just joined this site and it seems like we have a lot of common" when really they've belonged for months and just send the same message to any new faces who come up in their saved searches

I can hardly contain my excitement.

She is S-M-R-T

Guess who's been paying for her online personals account for the last three months even though she thought she deactivated her account? Yeah, that one-taco-short-of-a-combo-plate superstar would be me. I TOTALLY thought I clicked on the correct buttons to terminate my subscription before Christmas. Guess not. Because after closer inspection, I realized I was charged again for the account even though I had hidden my profile. That rascally website! On the bright side, it evens out some of those dates when EP picked up the tab. Needless to say...I'm back online.

So come on Cyber Cupid, draw back your bow and let your arrow go straight to my online boyfriend's heart.

Next please...

Well, last night's awkwardness with EP came crystal clear today. After he helped me run an errand and I dropped him off, he looked at me and said the 4-word power sentence, "We need to talk."

So I turn off the car and reply, "I think I already know what you're about to say -- but go ahead anyway."

I'll spare you the details but basically he can't get over that I was treated for an STD 2 years ago. And if you know which STD I described in my Jan. 16 blog entry, you're probably screaming, "WHAT?!?!?!"

OH yeah. He had a doctor's appt earlier this week and asked about it. And the doctor said, "Well, it's pretty much unavoidable that you'll get it too." Eye roll.

EP assured me that he thought I was "special" and that there weren't "many other girls out there like [me]" but that this medical condition was still an issue for him but that he really likes/cares for me and doesn't know what we should do.

So I told him what I thought we should do. I told him there's nothing I can say or do that's going to change his mind, so we should just stop where we are and do our own things before someone's feelings really get hurt. I did share a little anecdotal evidence that several of my other female friends have been treated for it and it hasn't been an issue in their relationships. Trust me though, there were many other seriously bitchy things going through my head that I wanted to say -- but figured I should probably keep my cool. The conversation ended with him basically not knowing what he wanted to do and that he needed time to "clear his head" and "we'd talk soon." Then he got out of the car and that was it. Oh please.

Lessons to be learned...
My jaded side: At our age, sometimes it just doesn't pay to be good. My ENTIRE life I've been very conscious about taking care of myself physically (ie: limiting my # of sexual partners) and making choices that I think will build my character and do some good in the world. And for whatever reasons, it seems like the guys who I've met who actually have their acts together (EP and Seattle Crush) just don't think I'm worth it. Maybe I need to revisit what I consider to be my type.
My optimistic side: EP just doesn't know what he's missing. And he can look forward to me never answering his calls.

But now ladies, the question is -- should I put my profile back up?! LOL.

Every Date Feels Like the Fourth Date

The pacing of my dating adventure with EP is under question. We don't really see each other during the week because we're both busy -- me with church meetings and night class and he with completing "deliverables" and preparing for internship interviews. So on the weekends, one would think that spending time together would be a big treat and that attention would be on spending some quality time together. Think again.

Guess who's at home on a Friday by 10:15? Oh yeah, that winner is me. Because after a hockey game and dinner, we're in the cab ride back -- with me innocently assuming that we'll probably spend the next few hours together just falling asleep in front of the tv, maybe even making out if I'm lucky. And instead, I get a gentle hand squeeze and, "I should really just get a good night's sleep tonight in my own bed tonight. I'm going home. I have a ton of reading to do tomorrow." Cue cabbie to pull over and EP exits vehicle. Are you $%@#%$@#% serious?!?!?!!?

Since we only see each other at times during the weekend, every time we get together -- it feels like we're stuck in the Fourth Date Twilight Zone. The Fourth Date is the date that's the sort-of-limbo zone where you know he is fun/nice/cool and you know enough details about his family, and you're pretty sure he's not on the Top 10 Most Wanted Fugitives list but you still need to spend time with them to figure out whether or not it's still worth pursuing. Those lingering questions are just fine -- when it really is the 4th date. But when you're already on your 12th date and still feel like you need more time to make a final decision, I think this could be problematic.

I think perhaps I am very sensitive to this time issue due to the fallout of my last relationship. When that relationship ended, I felt very let down because I had poured SOOOO much of myself into making the relationship work with very little return on my investment. So now I'm quite guarded when it comes to giving another relationship a fair shot because I don't want to lose any more than I already have.

And even worse -- I was so pissed when I got home that I checked his profile online (I know, I know, I said I wouldn't do it anymore, but i couldn't resist) and it had been active in the last 24 hours. Jerk.